Formulation. Fabrication. Fiction. The only Fs my mind gives. I have an art, an interesting but equally weird art. I talk to myself. And before you go “you’re not special. Everyone has a voice in their mind. I do that too”, I don’t talk how I’ve come to believe is the “normal” way for someone to have a conversation with themselves. My conversations don’t just hold me- it has a lot of characters, almost all that don’t even exist. The fictional storytelling prowess my mind possesses- Even Christopher Nolan would have a run for his money.

You know those apparent fake scenarios people make to fall asleep? Well, let’s start with that. A few weeks back, I was going to an event. I had a cast on my leg. Mind you, I was just going to attend the formal event without having a “part” in it. There would’ve been no situation where I had to have gone on the stage and talk with people but bam, the three Fs. While I was driving to the event, my mind formulated the whole scenario with the speakers having to “interact” with the audience and I was the one chosen. “Oh, I see you have a cast on your leg. I’m glad you came (TWSS) but was this event really that important to you to show up here in your condition?” they asked. I don’t have a single clue who “they” are. They don’t even exist. The Fabrication, the fiction of the whole thing would put any theater dramas to shame. I went on to give a speech so badass, if a recorded event, they’d probably start teaching that in school instead of the amazing dream of MLK jr.

When I look back at the full interactive conversations I have in my mind, I do find it quite concerning. My mind turns into Toby’s Peter Parker asking, “How’d that get in there?”. My brother in Christ, you formulated it. The occasional talk to yourself about the things you’re doing or maybe talking to yourself when thinking out loud is apparently deemed “normal”, but I always weird people out when I tell them how I talk to myself; they’re almost always concerned.

The “talks” seem to be most prevalent while I’m driving. Maybe it’s the empty state of mind but I mostly find myself driving on autopilot, as the conscious part of my brain is too occupied with the three Fs. Sometimes, I feel like something is wrong with me but at the end of the day, no one can catch me lacking. I’m always prepared with utmost confidence. I don’t find myself lacking or ever drown in self-doubt. The three Fs have enabled me to not give a F about being self-conscious. The fictional conversations, I believe, have been a huge positive reinforcement on my mindset.