To make everything perfect. To thrive to be perfect. To do only the best. To not make any compromises. Perfectionism, for me, is a double-edged sword. The bane of my existence even. While at first glance perfectionism may seem like a drive of one to do their absolute best and nothing less, the best they could do even beyond their own abilities; underneath is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

“Oh, I’m such a perfectionist”, a girl in my class once said, proudly. While they were getting the attention and admiration for their beautiful work, I was sitting there. Raging. My face was red, hot; slowly dripping on the ground like some burnt wax. “No, the fu*k you’re not” echoing in my head, taking over my logic and reasoning, my sanity even. To be haunted by the spectrum of perfectionism; the pedestal of perfectionism paralyzing to walk on; can a true perfectionist brag about being one oh ever so proudly!? I certainly cannot comprehend such a “perfectionist”.

My enthusiasm? Down the drain. My motivation? What language is that? All I get out of the draining “perfectionism” is a truck load of procrastination and a way to coop up in my comfort zone, like the jinglet inside those jingle bells, unable to escape. Never mind jingle ones but perfectionism is my bell except the literal Nepali translation of the word in my productive and creative side of life.

“The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake. You can’t learn anything from being perfect” -Adam Osbourne

“Done is better than perfect” as the countless posts saved on my phone would say. Easier said than done. For me, my piece of work isn’t worth anything if it’s not perfect; and perfect? One wishes it was achievable. I’m not afraid of my work being judged by someone else. I’m not afraid of it not being up to their standards. For I know, my standards are far higher sadly. The biggest and possibly only critique of myself is me. I’m Norman Osborn but also the green goblin.

At the time of me writing this, I’ve been formulating a “perfect” Cinematic video, the proper start of my cinematic journey, for about 7 months now. The concept was there since 2021, the scripting began in mid 2024. 3 whole years. At least I do acknowledge the script to be nearly “perfect” or at least the best I could ever do. The storyboard is there too and the amazing amazing title “the frozen shoes” depicting how the same perfectionism has paralyzed me, but what if the video doesn’t turn out that good let alone perfect? The barriers of perfectionism keeping me shut must be demolished lest I let stagnancy take over me.

Have the courage to be imperfect.

I do create with all I have. My work, even though I always have to settle for it due to deadlines, always have been deemed admirable by others. I do have perfectionism to thank for it surely. And maybe giving my all is good enough? But I do not want “good enough”. My strive for flawlessness and perfection, the concern of achieving the unattainable and unrealistic goals, this maladaptive perfectionism, the perfectionary paralysis hinders my progress and productivity. I just wish I could thaw even an inch of ice away from this tremendous, titanic sinking iceberg that is perfectionism.